She Becomes Self-Aware (Selfie-Ridden Post)

I think it's been made fairly obvious that Ryne and his family are an enormously important part of my life. Being with Ryne has taught me a whole lot of things that I never would've learned otherwise. I will not deny the fact that I am quite the narcissist. I am often insensitive to the suffering of others if it does not directly affect me. Being in a relationship where it isn't all about me is something that I really needed.

I've learned compassion, a higher degree of respect, and for once it isn't about what I can do to elevate my own position. Yes, I still like to control and manipulate every single situation I am in, but that may just be a case of extreme situational OCD.

I was looking through Jolene Engle's blog like I do almost every day, and I noticed a post that had an interesting graphic as the cover. After reading what you just did about my personality and nasty habits, you can see what about it spoke such volumes to me.

Now ya'll know that I'm not married, nor am I close to being so (I still have three years of college left!). But the actual text speaks true: seek to control your emotions rather than your man. While I make a conscious effort to not exert my psycho-controlling powers over Ryne, this can apply to more than just Ryne and I's relationship. I think it has been a really, really long time since I have stopped to consider that some situations may not be other people, but it may actually be me.

Some people reading this may be throwing their hands up in the air and cheering: "Finally! She's becoming self-aware!" And those people would be right. There are so many verses in the Bible that are talking to people like me.

"But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

~Colossians 3:8, 12-13

 I think it will be a while before I break myself of my scheming habits, but I know that it will be a blessing to Ryne when it gets to that point. While I love to win, I love Ryne more. And in the end, the satisfaction of winning will only last so long, but hopefully Ryne and I are going to last forever.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your aways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

~Proverbs 3:5-6